Changes

My goodness!! When I subscribed to this service I began with so much earnestness, that it is a personal embarrassment that my dedication to express myself turned out to be yet another trivial thought. Not wanting to be viewed as trivial, mostly by myself, I thought I renew my original intentions to express myself, regardless of who is reading.

Lately I have been doing some web research on sculptures by the Roman artist during the Renaissance Period. For the most part the information has been a rehash of what I have read before. However lately, it seems that their has been some seepage of modern thought that is beginning to apply their interpretive tools to the art of that period.

Take for instance an interpretation of the statue of David by Michaelango. It was described that this work is one where conscious thought occurs before conscious actions. I do not know what it is about this idea, but it spurred a huge amount of reflective thought. It took awhile to finally unravel what disturbed me, but I think I finally grasped what is bothering me.

For while, it seems, that I have toiling thru life not living life consciously. My actions, my thoughts, were becoming routine and this is not at all how I would like to go through life. My thoughts were subconscious and not directed at all by any personal tenets that are important to me. I go to work, come home, watch the boob tube. I noticed that the forms of entertainment I was seeking out did not required that I actively engage my mind. It was like I went through a period of numbness. This I did not like.

To remedy the duldrums I was in I tried to begin reading novels and books I have been wanting to read. However after the intellectual laziness I indulged in, I could not concentrate. I was reading the words, but after reading I a chapter I could not recall what I read. This was a devastating moment for me, I pride myself in ability to absorb information while reading. Usually I while reading I synthesize the text with my existing knowledge and come to understanding that incorporates the new information. This was not happening.

Upon further thought, I finally admitted to myself that much of what I intellectually knew was no longer personal or no longer effecting my persona. Woe! I asked of myself, how did this happen to me. What do I do? I really don't have the answers, but I took some remedial steps. I am now re-reading every text in some way contributed to my worldview and ethical outlook. This recourse seems to be working. I know these texts and I remembering the feelings and emotions they elicited the first time I read them. I am remembering that it is feeling and emotions that nurtured the passion that drove me to discover the beauty in the world around me. I am finding myself and I think, I know that this the most important part of what makes living meaningful and fulfilling for me. It is the journey that I am yearning for. So there has been some feelings of livelyness reappearing in my life and the feelings of spiritual stagnation are beginning to fade.

To end this post, all I can say is that there is hope, always has been hope, for me it just required a swift kick in my mental ass! Much love, Rod.